As for everything that I was trying to achieve in the blog, well it all went out the door. My closet is a mess, I don't even have time to look at the happiness project. I said 3 months after having the baby I would bring this part up again, but as far focusing on getting my groove back..well it is kind of put on hold...well, maybe......Three weeks ago I went to the Dr. because I just didn't feel right - I was extremely tired, felt like my head was always in the clouds, and my memory was a mess. I got a blood test and it shows that I have extreme hyperthyroidism.
I tried to chalk it up to pregnancy, but the endocrinologist says it can't just be post-partum (I am going to another endocrinologist for a 2nd opinion). He basically said "You have graves disease. Take these meds. See you in 2 weeks." The meds I am taking are methimazole (to stop my thyroid from producing hormones) and propanol (to help with my symptoms). I left his office feeling scared to death and went to the internet to find out what this disease is. DO NOT GO TO THE INTERNET TO FIND OUT ABOUT DISEASES! I knew this going into it, but I looked there anyway. There is Graves Rage, Graves opthamology (your eyes get huge), panic attacks, thyroid storms (your body breaks down and you can die), your hair falls out, you skin peels, rapid heartbeat, depression - and many more things. Basically I was even more scared to death.
I starting taking the meds for 2 weeks and felt great - I could play more with Mia, cuddle more with Finn, and laugh more with Oliver and family, but then I got a bad case of hives and I had to stop taking them.... and really, I felt like my world came crashing down (and the internet came back to haunt me). I basically cried for 2 days straight... went to my OBGYN thinking I had postpartum depression and he said something that I really needed to hear "Graves disease is as common as high cholesterol, it is hard to control in the beginning, but long term it is easy to maintain". I went from level 10 anxiety to probably a 6..
I am sure I am overreacting (anxiety is one of the symptoms), but this just really sucks. Some of the things I found on the internet are true: There is only one other medication I can take (PTU) to control my hyperthyroid, and there is a high chance I will be allergic to that as well. If that is the case, I will most likely have to take radioactive iodine (RAI) to kill my thyroid OR have surgery to remove it. If that happens, I will have to take synthetic thyroid hormones. Either way, I will most likely be taking meds for the rest of my life and my thyroid will be damaged in one way or another (there is very little chance for remission)
I go to get a second opinion on Tuesday with a endocrinologist in NYC, so we will see what she says. In the meantime, I am off the methimazole, back on the propanol (to reduce symptoms) and took a blood test to see how my white blood cells and liver are doing (oh - another fun thing - the meds mess with my liver and white blood cells).
I am trying to hold off until 1 year after having my baby boy to see if my body sorts itself out and I have all hopes on PTU for now. I will keep you posted on how that goes. Please say some prayers for me.
Well, back to the point of getting my groove back. Maybe hyperthyroidism is one of the reasons (if not the main reason) I felt like I lost my groove. Maybe I have had this for a longer time and going through the process of making this better will help me get back to myself. I am really trying to see the forest through the trees and look at this optimistically. What I have is can totally be put under control, it will just be frustrating getting to that point - and some things may have to happen that I don't really want to (killing my thyroid). But, I really think this whole journey will help me get my groove back.
