Normally, I am a decisive person, but I just feel that there are too many unanswered questions. I just worry that I am playing with fire by getting those answers.
The main questions buzzing around in my head are
- What if I can get better? I feel fine now - no more symptoms
- What if this is all pregnancy related? and the further I get from that, the better I will be"
- Maybe I wasn't allergic to the meds, maybe it was just too high a dose (has been that way in the past)
But then, as if to torture my contemplating mind I get the flip side:
- Do I really want to be on that potent medication for a long time?
- Do I really want to have surgery for this? Radioactive iodine is just a pill...
- What if I do nothing and just stay on the beta-blocker?
- Surgery seems so easy, except for the actual surgery part :)
Anyway - all of this came rushing into my mind today. I have been trying to ignore it for weeks and now I am at a loss for what to do.
Luckily, my endocrinologist is awesome. She called me back immediately today and talked to me for a while, and squeezed me in for an appt tomorrow. She will go with any one of my plans (lower dose, radioactive iodine, surgery), but she is candid with how she feels.
- Lower Dose Methimazole: Worried about permanent liver damage (even just taking it for 2 weeks) - 30% that I can get into remission and not take it long-term. Long-term it can also affect my white blood cells.
- Radioactive Iodine: This is what she suggests, thinks it is best for my situation
- Surgery: More than I really need to do because (2) will solve that.
I don't know what to think of my gut now - any time I make a decision, I keep arguing with myself. I really hope I can come to a zen place with whatever decision I make....
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