Balance

My last post was in June (I am obviously not a regular blogger) and I am still on the same journey as I was before and I am resigned to the fact that this will be an ongoing journey to try and achieve balance in my life, probably for the rest of my life.  There is just not going to be a quick fix.

Since the last post there was a crazy whirlwind of school starting for both of my kids - and both of their schools are super-involved.  It is something I both love and dislike:

• I love it because I meet great people and friends, that are hard to find when you're an adult and balancing work and family.   I also love to be able to go to their schools, read a book to the kids, see them at recess - and feel more comfortable with the world they are in (it doesn't feel like a black box to me)
•  I dislike it because it is so involved. It creates a lot of stress for me because I really, really want to do art duty, lunch duty, be involved in pta stuff, join committees (I love that stuff).  The reality is I also have a full time job to balance, a long a commute and in those extra hours before/after work, I want to spend time with my kids and husband.  Oh - and try and squeeze in time for me, too (why does that always seem to come last?)

So - I ignored all sense of time and balance and went full force involved in school,  joined 2 school committees, signed up for lunch duty's art duty, went to every meeting about digital technology in school, new parent meetings, etc.  Oh! I also went all-in at work and started 2 new projects.  I thought I was so close to "having it all", but really, I wasn't.  I ended up with shingles (not fun) because I was too stressed out.  My body was telling me to take it easy.

It was a good reality check that I need to start taking care of myself.  I really mean it this time.

I started by talking to a counselor about how to better handle my stress.  To absolutely no surprise to me he said "First things, first - you need to find something that makes YOU happy".  A bit ironic that it took me 3 years, two stress-related illnesses to come to the same conclusion that this blog was originally about.

One thing he said that really stuck, though, was: "Do you think you are allowing yourself to have something to do that you love?".  Interesting question, I don't know.  The possible theory is that I have so many obligations and guilt about not sending every moment outside of work with my kids, that maybe I won't allow myself to do something I love.  Could be - but I have to somehow make this a priority.

Ever since having the shingles I have been regularly practicing some small things to make my life less stressful.

• I meditate every day.  
• I take the train in and read a book (instead of driving)
• I say no to taking on more responsibility
• I only go to events that I want to go to
• We don't go to every kid birthday (there is almost 1-2 every weekend)
• I am taking time to try new things (I am trying a yoga workshop this weekend)

I have noticeably less stress since doing this, but there is always room for improvement.

On a similar note to this thread, I watched an interesting TED talk (I love them) about Work/Life Balance.  My favorite part was don't try to work/life balance every day - spread it over some time and make small changes that have a big impact.  It is definitely worth a watch.

Blue Apron Review

In my current health quest, I am really working on how to eat healthier more regularly (and trying to save time while doing it). Blue Apron is my first attempt at eating healthier and I have had a few people ask about how I like it so far, so here is my "review".

The Basics

Blue Apron is a service where they deliver all ingredients (including meat/fish) for specific recipes to your door (for about $9.99 per meal).  When you sign-up, you can pick high-level preferences:  Poultry, Meat, Veg, Fish, Shellfish (if you have serious allergies, they don't advise using this service) - I selected all to be a bit adventurous. The food comes in insulated boxes (with 2 servings for each meal) with freezer packs one day during the week (you can choose that day). The box includes all meat, veg and easy-to-follow recipes.   The food can last for 7 days (although they advise to eat the fish first).    The only things I
have had to use for the recipes that Blue Apron has not provided is: Olive Oil, Salt & Pepper.
The quality of the food has been great.  The recipes are super tasty and unique - so you learn a lot about cooking.   The food is super-healthy (about 600 -700 cal per meal)  One thing worth noting is the packaging is a kind of big, but all of it can all be recycled/re-used - it does take up most of our recycle bin, though.


The logistics

We ordered for 4 people, so we get two boxes with 2 servings of each meal.  The ingredients are kept in little packages and labeled and the meat is vacuum packed to stay fresh longer.
The recipe cards have pictures and step-by step in instructions on how to clean/chop/prep for cooking (I found them to be a little wordier than I personally like, but it you can definitely follow the instructions.)
The prep is a lot more detailed than my typical meals.  For example, with every meal so far, I have had to zest something - oranges, limes, lemons (I have never done so much zesting) - all veggies have to be cleaned/pat dry/chopped.  You have to juice something and a few times I have had to heat up pine nuts/pecans for an accent on a salad.  Sometimes I wish it was chopped/prepped and all I had to do was cook - but that would make everything taste less fresh.
Generally, I have found the prep to take 20-40 minutes (maybe I am a slow chopper), and overall each meal takes about 45-1hr from start to finish.  The time around prep and cooking is one thing I wish were a bit easier.  The more you do it, the more you can find short cuts (just zest the lemon, instead of peel & zest, don't roast pine nuts, etc).

Example Meals:
Maple & Ginger Glazed Salmon:  One word: Delish!  This is by far my most favorite (Hubby, Au Pair & Kids agree).  So tasty - I made it twice :)

Seared Pork Medallions:  My Least favorite (although the chutney was tasty).  I am just not a fan of Freekah.

Catfish & Jicama Slaw:  My most "pleasantly surprised".  Amaranth is super tasty - who knew?! Also, some pan-fried catfish is yummy.  I think I really like the fish dishes...

My Verdict
I feel like the time commitment is more than I really want (1 hour at the kids most rowdy time), but the end result is delicious and healthy without any planning involved.   I feel like the cost is actually a wash for us between the time to figure out the recipes, make the shopping list an buying the food (which is already pricy in our area).  My final verdict:  the health factor is going to win-out here and we will continue, but I will need to figure out some modifications to help save on time:  I will have to either split up the cutting/cleaning prep with the actually cooking it is do-able or I leave this meal for adults after kids go to sleep.   

Confession: I am a serial fad dieter/exerciser

I have a confession:  I think I am a serial fad dieter/exerciser.  I never wanted to be that person. All I want to do is form good habits for eating and exercising.  In theory, it should be easy because I am a master rule follower in life (just ask my friends), but for some reason I just can't follow two simple rules:  Eat well & Exercise.

Any time I have tried things, it only lasts for 30 - 60 days (Paleo & Crossfit or P90x).  I really have no excuse either - I see the results, I feel better, I know that lifestyle is better for me.  I know that I need this in my life.  The habits don't stick, though - and I go back to my lazy cooking & exercising (or should I say non-exercising) ways.

So what do I do know?

They always say the first step to making things better is by recognizing your faults, so: 

Step 1: Done :)

Step 2:  Find out my next steps.  Now, my biggest strength is my analytical thinking (it's my day job, too), so let's break down why these things have not worked:

1. I break off more than I can chew (try to do too much, all at once - never allowing a healthy habit to form)
2. Time Management - adding these big chunks to my schedule makes it OK for a short period of time, but isn't something I can sustain long-term
3. I lose momentum/get bore

So how do I get past that?  I think I need to take some baby steps, and not think too far into the future (I have planned out my month, introducing a baby step every 2 weeks).  I am already on Step5

Step 3: Be mindful.  Start meditation: 5-15 minutes of meditation daily.  No phone/TV afterwards.  I use the Mindfulness App to remind me to meditate at the same time every day.  I also bought a meditation stool because I found myself constantly thinking about how my feet were falling asleep/back hurt, etc, etc, etc.  I love this baby step.  After meditating for a week I had my first stress-free dream that I remember.  I feel rested, more complete..and ready for the next step (although I will continue to mediate)
Total time added:  Well, I guess 15 minutes..but it was 15 minutes of mindless web surfing..so net-net not a big loss..

Step 4:  Start moving.  Introduce daily exercise (no more than 30 min/day).  I have been doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred at home or going for a 20-30 minute jog when I get a chance.  The workout is most mornings, while the kids are eating breakfast.  It is 25 minutes in total, and feels like a good workout.  An unforeseen bonus - my kids look forward to watching me workout and ask me to do it every morning - the two cutest motivational coaches ever! Repeat these two mantras:  (1) A body in motion stays in motion and (2) Any exercise is better than no exercise.
Total time added:  I would say about 20 minutes.  It requires a bit more time management here, but doesn't feel overwhelming..and it is def. sustainable.

I have been doing Step 3 & 4 for *almost* 3 weeks - and so far so good... Time will tell if these are sustainable healthy and happy habits...

Step 5: Eat healthy.  I don't have a great plan here, yet, but I am working on one.  I am thinking my goal will be to have 3 healthy, well-balanced dinners per week.   I just ordered 3 meals from Blue Apron this week and made my first meal last night.  This is meant to be easier because (1) The meals are healthy and (2) All the ingredients are organized and ready to prepare.  Last night I had Maple-Ginger Glazed Salmon.  It was delicious, but still took me 45 minutes to prepare.  The jury is still out on this option...If it still takes too much time, I may need to find another plan.

This is a long blog-post, but generally is what I am up to (besides working, being a parent, etc)..  I would love any ideas that you have, too!

Paleo Challenge Results

In the beginning of October, I was out of shape and my weight was trending up while my health was trending down.  I needed drastic change, but it needed to be manageable, too (balancing a full-time job in the city and two kids leaves very little time for food-prep and exercise).

I joined Crossfit On-ramp on October 9th, and heard about the Paleo Challenge in my first week.  I thought - this is my chance to make that change. I signed up and never looked back.

The first week was hard - very hard.  I was dragging, tired and, what's the word...oh, HANGRY!  It was difficult to figure out what to eat to make me full and I struggled a lot, but after 6 days (and a few good Paleo food blog recipes), I felt like a million dollars.

What changed — the biggest change for me was mood and energy levels.  I have so much more energy - it's insane!  I actually play with my kids so much more (plus, some added strength let's me do a much better airplane!).  My patience has gone up ten-fold (probably because I am not sugar-crashing all the time). I am noticeably happier and my "Mom anxiety" (you know when you think 10 steps ahead of what your kids are doing) has gone down significantly.  Also, I sleep so soundly now and wake-up feeling rested.

Hardest Moment — Halloween.  Damn you Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!  I tried to hide them, give them away, throw some out, but little kids (and Peanut Butter Cup loving husbands) don't like me giving away or throwing out their hard-earned candy .  So, I got creative and started an internal competition, Debbie vs. Reese's.  I kept a score of how many times I wanted one and didn't have one (1pt. Debbie)  vs. when I did eat one (1pt Reese's).  Final Score  Debbie 20 : Reese's: 1 (I lasted a 1.5 weeks until I broke and had one with my cheat meal).  I consider it an overwhelming win that I ate only one because pre-Paleo it would have been Debbie 0: Reese's: 21. 

Most rewarding moment — Final WOD test.  I felt knocked to the ground and on top of the world all at once.  I more than doubled my pull-ups and improved on every level in KB Swings, Rower and Burpees.  I felt in-shape, healthy and strong for the first time in a long time.

Oddest improvement — Pink Tongue.  I noticed it and did some "Googling":  Eastern medicine is big on tongue color and pink color is the healthiest. Like the heading says, this is an odd improvement, but supposedly a pink tongue means I am in excellent health!

Words of advice — Don't pay attention to the scale.  My results say I lost more muscle than fat, but when I look at pictures I see a big improvement. When I workout, I feel stronger (and my results show it).  Don't let the numbers on the scale determine whether this challenge was successful.

The Future:  I believe this Paleo Challenge has changed the way I look at food for good.  Why would I want to trade all the positives that I have experienced for temporary fulfillment that actually makes me feel worse in the long-run?

I'm going to continue with Paleo on the 90/10 rule… it's not that hard once you get into a groove.  

THE RESULTS

Here is a spreadsheet with the different results (there are different tabs for Points, WOD & Composition)

Day 1	Day 30

Day 11 : Paleo Challenge

I am feeling good, actually...REALLY good.  I have been eating "clean" for 11 days (with one small cheat - a piece of cake at my "farewell party" at work because I am switching teams in the company).

Here is a breakdown of everything so far

Day 1-2: Awesome! I can do this!

Day 3-5: Dragging, Hungry, Tired... I felt VERY hungry on day 3-5.  In retrospect I was not eating enough, I actually am allowed carbs, but just in the form of fruit or squash..not bread or cake.  On my lowest day, I gave in and had a delicious piece of chocolate cake.. Nummy..until it wasn't and made my tummy all grumbly.  After that I haven't had as much craving for sweets (maybe my cheat was actually a blessing in disguise).  I struggled at my crossfit workouts, too..but I got through them

Day 6-today - I have been staying healthy and feeling great.  I don't have any "crashes" in the day.  even when it is dinnertime, and I am hungry, I don't have that crankiness that goes with it.  I am alot happier... I giggle with my kids more, have energy to just play with them.  I also haven't had my "hives" (which those of you who know me well happen all the time when I am happy/sad/have a glass of wine/whatever).   Overall things are going REALLY well.

Overview of Challenge Point System (per day):
1 point: Hydrate:  Wake-up - drink 12oz water (I get points for that!)
5 points:  Eating Clean (deduct 1 pt for every cheat meal, deduct 2 for alcohol consumed, deduct 1 if you don't have 4 meals)
3 points: Exercise (3points per day for a workout)
1 point: Stretching( 0.5 points for every 15 min - up to 1 pt)
1 point: Sleep (0.5 points for 4-7 hrs, 1pt for 8 hours)

Here is a sample of what I eat
Meals
- Bfast: 2 Scrambled Eggs with either veggies or meat and black coffee
- Snack: nut bar
- Lunch: Chicken/Pork and a lot of veg
- Dinner: Beef and veg (Very similar to lunch)


Results so far:  My clothes are already looser around my legs and belly.  I have lost 4 lbs and already see a noticeable difference... This helps with the whole process :)

I have a feeling that, although I may not be strict paleo the rest of my life..this will have a huge impact on me eating healthier for the rest of my life.  I haven't felt this good in a while.

Here are some interesting articles that may be worth a read:

What is Paleo? - balancedbites.com

How to Prevent Spending the Last 10 Years of Your Life in a Diaper and a Wheelchair - chriskresser.com

10 Psychological Hurdles Keeping you from Losing Weight - marksdailyapple.com

 

Here's a post from Whole9 about Crossfit Stamford first Paleo Challenge ever back in 2010!

Paleo Challenge and Crossfit - a quest to not be the thyroidectomy statistic

Since my thyroid was taken out, I have gained weight.  I haven't gained a ton of weight and I am not "overweight", but I am on the border and currently in an upward trend.  I feel like I need to do something.

I tried training for a half marathon (and completed it), but this did not give the results I would have liked.  I didn't lose any weight, so it was frustrating (considering the time I put into it).

I need to do something more drastic.  I need to change my diet and I need to find an exercise program that I like and gives results.  After some research, it seems the Crossfit/Paleo Diet combination is a good contender.  Let's hope it works!

I have already started the Crossfit ramp-up (a 3 week program that introduces the skills for the normal class and ends this Thursday).  I have also started the 4 week Paleo Challenge on Saturday. 

The Challenge is hard and simple at the same time, for 30 days (in priority order):
1) Try to sleep 8 hours
2) Eat food that is both Nutrient Dense & Gives Energy and not processed in any way (basically only Meat, Veg, Nuts and Fruit)
3) Exercise
Note: No weighing/Measuring for 30 days

I am on Day 4 of the diet and, so far so good... I have heard the first 2 weeks are really hard - I have a feeling that is coming soon!   I can only update on how I am feeling...but we will see the results on November 19th!

There is a secondary reason for me doing this - the Paleo diet is supposedly good for autoimmune diseases.  Graves disease is an auto-immune disease, and gives me a greater chance of having another auto-immune disease.  Hopefully eating this way will reduce those chances...

Gluten-free no more! Thyroid levels stable! Woo hoo!

I have passed the one year mark since surgery..and I feel like life is back to normal - my levels are good!  In fact, to celebrate the one year (I got discharged on my birthday) - I ran the 5k color run with one of my best friends who had her own battles.  We had to prove to ourselves that our bodies aren't broken and can still do some kick a** things!

As far as my gluten elimination diet (almost 5 months long) - it has confirmed what the celiac tests have said as well - gluten is not an issue for my body and I can continue to eat it..

It feels weird being able to eat whatever I want again..but I am trying to stay away from the treats I have been craving for the past 5 months (mmmm....cake!)

I don't have to go back to the endocrinologist until January because my levels have been stable for a while.

So - all good news re: my thyroid :)

All blood tests results in the green, but going gluten-free...

Woo hoo!   I went to the endocrinologist today and all of my blood test results look good!  I will still need check-ups every 6 weeks until it is stable.  I am going to make some adjustments though.. My levels *are* good, but the doc seems to think I shouldn't need to be on the doses I am on, considering my height,weight, etc.

There has been this nagging feeling in my head that I may be gluten intolerant.  Remember the whole 2 month period before my surgery when I didn't eat gluten? Well, I noticed my skin got better (no bumps) and I felt better.  I have been paying close attention to how I feel when eating gluten (since surgery I went back to eating gluten).  The bumps are back and my tummy is always making very loud rumbly noises.

My endo is pretty amazing and is very much a believer in trusting your gut (even if there is no test that has proven my gut feeling).   I have told him since the beginning that I think I may be gluten intolerant - he never said "you are crazy" - he has been supportive.  He approved a blood test for celiac last month (that came back negative), but agrees that blood tests don't always prove celiac/gluten intolerance.  We agreed that (after the 1/2 marathon) I will go gluten-free (March 18th) and see how my blood tests change/stay the same.  If I miraculously start absorbing more synthroid, iron, vitamin d - then it will be clear that I have a gluten intolerance.  If everything remains the same, maybe it was all in my head.

Either way - I FEEL good and am curious to see how the gluten-free elimination "test" goes...

My Mom always said, you have to trust your gut...

I love this advice

I heard this song from the 90's for the first time on the radio today "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)".  It was written by Mary Schmich.  I just love this advice.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now. 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you 

imagine. 

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. 

Do one thing everyday that scares you 

Sing 

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. 

Floss 

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. 

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. 

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. 

Stretch 

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. 

Get plenty of calcium. 

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. 

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – 

your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. 

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. 

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. 

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. 

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. 

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. 

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. 

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. 

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. 

Travel. 

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. 

Respect your elders. 

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. 

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. 

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. 

But trust me on the sunscreen…"

Pendulum Swing

Update:

It has been 7 months since my surgery.  Still feeling good (which is important), but my thryoid levels have had a pendulum swing.  I am currently hypothyroid trying to sort out the right synthroid levels.

I am off the calcium supplements and my levels are good.  I have to take iron supplements and D3 (I think because this is winter time and I always get low iron in the winter)

From month 3-6 after surgery, I lost ALOT of hair.  The endo was 99% sure this is from a combination of stress and hypothyroidism.  It stopped exactly 6 months after surgery (which is exactly what my hair did post-pregnancy) - this tends to be common with stress, so doc was not concerned and my hair is back to normal (just growing in a little funny).

I am going to the Dr. monthly until my thyroid levels are back to normal.  I am currently on 137mcg (started at 100, went up to 125, now at 137).  There is a slight concern I have a gluten intolerance which is stopping me from absorbing the right amount of synthroid...but no panic yet :)

I still feel 100% better than being hyperthyroid...If it weren't for the bloodwork, I would think I was back to normal.

Oh - and my scar has faded so much - I don't think people notice it at all.  I had an awesome surgeon!!

Overall - even though there is some sh*t to deal with, I really feel I made the right decision.  A thyroidectomy might not be for everyone, but it was the best choice for me...

On a side note - I decided to train for a half marathon - I am on month 2 and feeling great (even ran 10miles yesterday!).  This just goes to show how quickly the body can bounce back!

Feeling Great - but still some progress to make..

Quick update: My thyroid levels are good - and I am feeling good on that front... Almost back to myself..

I have gained a little bit of weight (but not much) - and I am adjusting to not being able to eat everything I want (that was one perk of Graves disease)....

My calcium levels look good, but my doc just wants me to continue the supplements for a little while..

All-in-all positive..

I am feeling like it is almost time to get back to the whole point of this blog soon - finding something that makes me tick.... (sorry for the diversion, but I found it to be useful to get everything out in a blog :)..) - Thanks for bearing with me !

Getting better, but mother nature isn't cooperating

I am feeling a lot better over the past few days - I would almost venture to say back to myself (maybe with a tinge of anxiety hanging around), but I cannot complain..

I went to the surgeon for my 1 week check-up and I am doing really well.  The best news is that they found no parathyroid in the pathology report - meaning all four parathyroids are still in there!!!   My left vocal cord is a little weak (which can happen), but she expects it will be fine by six weeks.  In the meantime it is a good exercise of how to keep the kids in-line without using a stern or raised voice.  I also have been told my voice is "sexy" because it sounds raspy and rock-star-ish :)  The incision point is really not that bad..It is about an inch long and I really think it will heal well with minimal scarring...

In case you are curious - I will put pics up of the incision point at the bottom - day after surgery and 1.5 weeks after surgery.  The small bandage is still on there - so it looks bigger than it actually is...but I just wanted to share in case anyone is going through something similar and wants to see the whole sha-bang..

Tomorrow I have a check-up with my new endocrinologist (I met him in the ER and he is basically the best Dr. I have met for follow-up and getting me back on my feet quickly - he even calls on weekends to check on me).  I am hoping my calcium levels are good, but I assume they are because I feel good..

So health-wise I am getting better...

BUT

Mother nature on the other hand decided to throw a spanner in the works and took down a very large part of a tree in our front yards, which partially pulled out the power lines to our house (leaving electricity surging into our house, but not able to get back out), and preceded to land on our car.   Then two surge protectors started melting and burning (and it looked like a fire was starting in my daughter's room)... and the power lines were dangling across our street in the pouring rain.

I first grabbed the brightest red chair and threw it in the middle of the street so no one would drive through the power lines (still live), I hit the fire button on our alarm and called 911.

The first things I grabbed when running out of the house?  My dog, engagement and wedding ring, ring from my babies, My calcium pills and water.   My mom remembered her car keys and we sat and waited what felt like an eternity for the fire department (it was only at most 5 minutes).   They were great - looked through the house and we eventually found two surge protectors - one burnt to a crisp the other started.

I remember sitting thinking "Really, God, REALLY?!?"..but with some time and hindsight we were really lucky:

1) No one was hurt
2) We were home - probably stopped my house from catching on fire
3) The kids weren't home and caught up in a pretty stressful situation
4) Our car, house, etc received minimal damage
5) Fire Department, Electrician, Power company and cable company all came in a VERY timely matter.  We had power within 6 hours - and cable the next morning.  Note: I will have to write thank-you letters
6) We actually got to use our generator (our very practical gift to each other for last year's anniversary)
7) Less raking - I know seems petty, but, hey - you have to look on the bright side.
8) We know better now about surge protectors, etc - to keep our house safe in the future.

Ending on a good note: today (besides hearing a chainsaw to cut-up our tree out front) it feels like a normal day...I feel good, the weather has cooled down..and I feel like I am one step closer to getting back to myself... It is almost like it never happened...

Here are the images of post-op and 1.5 weeks later... I really don't feel like it is too bad... curious to see how it looks when the bandage falls off:

Day After Surgery

1.5 weeks after surgery

Surgery and Complications

As if I should have expected anything different (considering I was the 1% of people allergic to the meds for Graves), I also had complications from surgery...

The surgery itself went well.  I remember the surgical staff in good spirits, the anesthesia being amazing and waking up feeling groggy, but OK.  My incision is actually pretty small..maybe an inch and the healing of the incision has been great..and has very little pain

My throat hurt (from the breathing tube), and my voice is still raspy (think Stevie Nicks).. I have trouble saying EE and AY...and I can't use a stern or loud deep voice "Kaya, Come" sounds very timid...but I am hoping that is OK longterm (the Surgeon is checking my vocal cords on Monday, but says they stayed in-tact during the surgery).

My PTH (Parathyroid hormone) levels dropped (they were either stunned or damaged during the surgery) and they control the calcium to your body, so they put me on calcium supplements and Vitamin D3 (simulates the parathyroid hormone), watched my levels, and I was discharged on Tuesday afternoon.

Background:  Calcium is the most important mineral to your body - it controls your muscles - your heart is a muscle and if calcium is low, your heart stops working properly...

I was excited to be home and see the kids, but by Wednesday morning, I was feeling pretty bad, tingling, disoriented...kind of in a cloud (all signs of low calcium).  I called my doc and they said to go to the ER to get my blood checked for calcium levels.  After a longtime in the ER (and a few IVs of Calcium) I got admitted.  They had to draw my blood every 4 hours, I had a few EKGs, I had patches all over me to monitor my heart rate and blood flow.  Basically I was scared to death.  I cried alot (anxiety is brought on by low calcium levels, too - Woo hoo [insert sarcastic tone]).

I had some more calcium IVs in the hospital along with Magnesium, a lot of back and forth with Dr's and nurses and eventually went on a liquid form of calcium for optimal absorption.  The hospital stay was not fun, I had a bad roommate, a good roommate, and then a room to myself (ahhh).  I had med students checking me out because I was a good sample case (that isn't common to see) and they were all interested to see how things were going with me.  (I had a good party trick where you tap the side of my face and my lip twitched, fun).

I was in the hospital from Wednesday - Friday (and almost had to stay another night because they didn't give me a dose of calcium correctly for 12 hours because the computer said they couldn't -ughh).  Basically, there were a lot of ups and downs and finally they released me on Friday.

Friday night I had anxiety from 11:30 - 6 at home ..I think this was really just my mind scared about my heart without the "security" of the hospital.  I called my endo and she said "you have been through a lot - you had graves, surgery, your hormones are all over the place - you may just be anxious because of what you are going through..'' I agree with her..

Once I took a nap (and a xanax) I felt much better.  I had dinner (my birthday dinner), played with the kids and have a glimpse at feeling better.  Let's hope this path continues :)

What has been great, though is the support of my family and friends. My Mom is still here with me and  my Dad and Sis came to visit, plus all the Facebook posts really made me feel good.  My husband has been amazing, too.  Needless to say I am feeling the love and that definitely helps.

There is still a journey for me to getting to 100%, but I have to remember to have patience....

Tomorrow's the big day...

I feel like I am in denial that surgery is tomorrow.  I have no idea how I will feel after the surgery..but I do know I am nervous about going through with it tomorrow.  I just keep trying to forget that it is happening, so that I calm my nerves.  I still think it is the best decision for me....

I keep hearing about stories of people that have gone through this and the recovery was easier than expected.  I hope I am in the boat too..

Wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts...

Surgery it is...

I have had an increase in symptoms lately and have come to the conclusion that I am playing with fire.

The Endocrinologist said she is not OK with me waiting until September (risk of congestive heart failure and worsening symptoms of hyperthyroid making surgery and RAI more complicated)

I really went back and forth between RAI (radioactive iodine) and Surgery..but it seems that longer-term surgery is the best bet (even though my doc thinks I am a good candidate for RAI)

The surgery is scheduled for July 9th... I will enjoy 4th of July weekend and then off I go to Mount Sinai....It is a 2-3 hour surgery and 24 hours in the hospital afterwards (to absorb calcium levels from parathyroids which can be affected during surgery)

Wish me luck...

As for what happens after - I will immediately go on Synthroid and stay on that for the rest of my life.  If I don't take it, I will be hypothyroid which has another set of issues that goes along with it.

I want to explore the homeopathic route as well - this disease is an auto-immune disease and my thyroid just happens to be the target (not the real issue), so I want to work at healing my body so it doesn't do these crazy things again... I am still staying gluten-free (because it actually makes me feel better) and seeing what homeopathic Dr's suggest to make me feel better..

I will keep you all posted...

Back to square 1

My "good news" was short lived..

The reason I had a "good" blood test was because I was taking iodine (to prepare for surgery)...  Apparently it lowers the levels temporarily, but doesn't work long-term.

I took a blood test this past Friday (two weeks after my "good" blood test) and my levels are even worse than they were in April and my liver enzymes are back up...My Endo is uncomfortable with me waiting until September..

To be honest, I do feel a little different.  More jumpy...More anxious...More "out of it"..

I am also reconsidering surgery vs. radioactive iodine.  The endo is really positive about radioactive iodine.  She said they do a study to see how your thyroid metabolizes and then they base the dose on that...  She said it is very little - not the same as totally removing your thyroid.

The plus side is there is a small chance (20%) I don't go hypothyroid and it is less intrusive...

Right now I am actually leaning towards RAI.

I feel like I am really flip-flopping on this decision..but it is a pretty serious one...

Definitely Allergic :(

Why do allergic reactions always start for me on Friday night?  It was not a fun weekend and very hard to make "Daddy day" special for my husband (who is an awesome, super supportive, super involved dad)

I was on the meds for Graves for 1 week - and the allergic reaction started.  Luckily it isn't as bad this time, but it still is not fun.

Spoke to the doc - I will just stay on the beta blocker until September and decide then if it makes sense to get the surgery or if my body somehow miraculously heals itself..

Let's hope for the best..

Graves disease: Acupuncture & Chinese Medicine

Today, I got some acupuncture and some herbal remedies.  The Dr. I saw said that Graves disease cannot be treated without Western medicine, but Chinese Medicine & Acupuncture helps that process along.

Basically, she looked at my tongue and said two things - one it is red on the tip meaning my liver is "on fire" and there is this fissure there which is an excess in phlegm.  She suggested acupuncture twice a week and herbs to cleanse my liver.

I did the acupuncture, and although strange, I felt good.  I got kinda sleepy an felt generally relaxed.

As for the herbal remedy..they are sitting next to me and I still don't know what to think of them.

I asked my colleague who was born and raised in China - he said it is common to use combination of western & chinese medicine to cure/help all sorts of diseases.  He looked at the medicine and researched it a bit and said it looks good - no side effects.

I am still not sure what I will do.  Am I just messing with things?  Or will this help... tough to decide..

This has to be some sort of miracle...

Well, you know from my last blog posts that I went to the Dr. last week with cold feet from the surgery and called it off.

In that appointment I told that endocrinologist that I was feeling better - and here was the conversation:

Me:  Is there a reason why I feel completely normal now?  I am even gaining weight and eating healthy and haven't taken the beta blockers in days? (if you are hyperthyroid you should be losing weight even when eating like a hog and heartrate should be hight with no betablockers)
Dr:  You think you are better, don't you?
Me:  I know I sound crazy, but I do.  I know all studies say this isn't possible...
Dr:  Well, let's do a blood test

The Dr. called me today and her first words were "You must have been wishing ALOT" (my heart leapt)

My levels are MUCH better.  My T3 levels are back to normal, My T4 levels are still high but significantly less than 2 weeks ago, and my TSH is still non-existent (but that takes months to get back to normal)

Not to be too excited - I am still hyperthyroid and I will always have the Graves antibodies and be susceptible to this all coming back

BUT, I am plowing ahead with everything to give my body the best chance it has and making decisions for the long-term

• I am staying on the small dose of the meds I started on Friday (cross you fingers my body can take this med for a little while - so far, so good)
• I am eating gluten-free (I did this 2 weeks back for 4 weeks)
• I have an appointment tomorrow with an acupuncturist that is known for treating Graves (along with Western medicine - researched her, she seems good)

Today is the best day (medically) I have had in a while. 

I can only attribute all of this to my friends and family that have been crossing their fingers and praying for me, because this "medically" isn't normal (and some would say not possible)... Thank you!

Surgery Cancelled...now what?

I went to the endocrinologist today and we talked thru all the options.  She said she is OK with giving a low dose of the methimazole (which I may or may not be allergic to - or it may have been too high a dose).  I will be taking 10mg a day, whereas before I was taking 40mg a day.    She also wants me to take a zyrtec with it..

I cancelled my surgery for Tuesday, I will start taking the medicine today, and in two weeks I go back to the doc to see how my liver is doing.  If it is bad or has gotten worse in anyway, then I go off the meds and schedule a surgery (she said I could wait until September as long as I stay on propanalol.

The next two weeks are full on health mode, hopefully some acupuncture (some say it works), and the new meds.

I feel really good about this decision.  Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well in the next two weeks..